How to Break the Shame Spiral and Enjoy Your Summer
The shame spiral keeps women stuck longer than the missed workout ever did. Here's how to get back on track with fitness without earning your way back on this episode of Get Sculped
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You had a plan. Maybe it started slipping in April, or maybe it was this morning when you told yourself you'd start fresh on Monday. The shame spiral doesn't announce itself. It just quietly convinces you that you've been gone too long, that you have to earn your way back, that the longer you stay away, the harder it gets to show up. If that's where you are right now, this episode is for you.
Coaches Marilynn, Tijana, and Jordanna break down exactly how the shame spiral works, why it grabs the women who care the most (not the ones who stopped caring), and how to get back on track with fitness without making a big, dramatic recommitment to make it feel official. This is a get-back-in-the-door conversation, and it's one a lot of women needed yesterday.
The good news is that the shame spiral lives in a story, and stories can change. This episode walks through what that really looks like in practice, with examples from real clients who've been exactly where you are.
Here's what we cover:
Why the shame spiral targets high-performing, ambitious women specifically, and why falling off has nothing to do with laziness or not caring enough
The four real-life patterns that show up most often: the all-or-nothing weekend, ghosting your fitness coach or accountability group, the comparison trap in online communities, and the "I'll start Monday" loop
What perfection paralysis really is and why waiting until you feel ready is the thing keeping you stuck
How the narrative in your head does more damage than the missed workout ever did
The "name it and tame it" approach that lets you interrupt the spiral before it snowballs into weeks of absence
Why you don't owe anyone a re-entry tax, no catching up, explaining yourself, or losing the weight you gained before you're allowed to show back up
What "follow the plan, not your mood" means in a week when everything falls apart
Two client tracking tools (Proof of Progress and the daily wins check-in) that rewire how you see your own momentum
How to find your smallest next action when going from zero to full throttle sounds impossible
This episode is for the woman who has been away longer than she planned and isn't sure how to come back without making a thing of it. For the woman who's been watching other people's wins in her coaching community and going quiet instead of posting. For anyone who has told herself she'll start again when she feels ready and is starting to wonder if that feeling will ever actually come.
"The shame spiral is not about motivation, discipline, or willpower. It is a story problem. It is that narrative that you are trapped in" — Coach Marilynn
If the shame spiral has been stealing your momentum, the door back is a lot easier to walk through than you've been telling yourself.
Ready to stop going it alone? Head to getsculpted.ca/contact and tell them where you're at. They'll take it from there.
Check out Marilynn's all-or-nothing mindset Reel
Connect with Get Sculpted
This podcast is brought to you in partnership with Leah Bryant Co.
More about the Get Sculpted Podcast
Welcome to Get Sculpted, the podcast for women who want to gain muscle and lose belly fat, improve their metabolism, and create real results using science-based fat loss strategies and practical coaching.
We go beyond quick fixes and fad diets to give you sustainable fat loss, strength training for weight loss, and fitness tips for women who want results without burning out. You’ll learn how lifting weights supports fat loss, how to train smarter instead of longer, and how to build habits that fit your lifestyle. Think less about guessing, more about clarity, and about progress you can maintain.
Whether you’re getting started or focused on building muscle after 30, this podcast gives women the tools to lose fat, gain muscle, and feel stronger, without relying on endless cardio or restrictive plans. We emphasize fat loss without cardio extremes, so you can train with confidence and consistency.
We’re your hosts, Jordanna, Marilynn, and Tijana, fitness professionals with over 20 years of combined experience and 1,000+ client transformations. With a strong focus on helping women 30 and older, we specialize in strength training, improving metabolism, and weight training for sustainable, realistic weight loss.
We’ll cover questions like:
Can you build muscle and lose belly fat at the same time?
How does strength training support weight loss?
What’s the best way to lose fat without losing muscle?
What’s the best way to lose fat without relying on cardio?
How can lifting weights improve my metabolism?
Why am I not losing weight even though I’m working out and eating healthy?
How can I stop yo-yo dieting for good?
If you’ve been searching for sustainable fat loss, women’s nutrition, and weight training that actually works, you’re in the right place. Join us every week for practical guidance, honest conversations, and tools to sculpt a stronger body and a more confident life.
Connect with us on Instagram at @getsculted.ca
The unedited podcast transcript for this episode of the Get Sculpted podcast follows:
Hello, and welcome back to the Get Sculpted podcast. We're very excited to talk about today's topic. It is one that I'm sure you're going to be able to relate to, and it is the shame spiral and how you're going to stop it before it's going to steal your whole summer. So we want to set the scene here. It's in the spring, it's May. You had a plan. You were going to go into this summer, and things were going to be different. You were going to lock in.
But somewhere between you skipping some workouts, some meals went sideways, Things didn't go as planned. The week completely fell off you. You just stopped. That snowballed into, you're just not going to show up anymore. You stopped trying. You stopped showing up to the gym, you stopped showing up to the accountability group. Maybe even if you have a coach, maybe even you were ghosting them, and you stopped showing up for yourself. And the longer that you stayed away, the more challenging it was to come back from that.
Like, you feel like too much time had passed, and now you're like, oh, my God, I feel like I have to earn my way back there. I'm. I'm just too far gone. So if this is you right now, then this is gonna be the perfect episode for you to listen to. So this topic actually came from a discussion that I had with my husband, Brian, and I wanna start there, so let's dive in. You girls ready?
We're ready. I love this one.
Let's do it.
Okay, so my husband has adhd, and I've gained a ton of understanding, just about, like, different perspectives in general from talking to him and really, like, diving deep, because the shame spiral was something that I actually don't really recall experiencing myself. But when he put a name to this, I was like, this is totally what my clients have gone through. So he told me that basically we were talking about how when we join communities, we're so polar opposite. Like, I'll join a group and I'll be like, hey, this is me. This is my name. I'll be commenting on everyone's post. I'll friend everyone. I'll be, like, so active.
Because in my mind, I'm like, I just want to, like, squeeze all the juice out of this lemon. Like, I'm here and I'm here. I'm like, you're very quiet in this group. Then he was kind of telling me, he's like, you know what? I start with good intentions. He was in, like, this men's accountability group. And he's like, then I just haven't done my daily five things we're supposed
to check off, right?
And then I just haven't posted for like three days. And then five days and then I'm not doing the things. And he disengages. And then he's like, I just can't step back. And then I just disappear. And then he's like, I just think it's easier at that point to just not post again because I feel like, how the heck am I going to show up? I haven't even been doing the things required. Like, that's the shame spiral. And then it's like, oh man, I never finish what I start.
And then that's when you start putting that identity to yourself. So this was really insightful for me because the spiral that starts isn't from, like, originally what you didn't do, like, what you initially missed. It's about what happens after. Like, how does that snowball? I always tell my clients this too. It's never the initial thing. It's never like the one meal that sets you off. It's turning that meal into like a week and then weeks. Brian's experience here is, like, relatable to so many of our clients.
And we've seen this play out with our client journeys. And you know, Marilyn, I know that this is something you specifically work with a lot of clients on deeply. So I would love if you would start by breaking this down for us. Like, what does it actually look like when they're in the shame spiral and what's happening here?
For sure. And you know what, you're right. We see this a lot. We see this with women who come to us. We even see this with women who have been working with us. Like, no one's immune to the shame spiral. And I can tell you that, like, I personally have been victimized by the shame spiral myself. So I think it's important to kind of understand that it is a cycle.
And the thing that surprises a lot of people is that women who end up in the shame spiral are not the type of women you would expect. So these are not the women who, like, don't care, who are like, apathetic. These are actually the women who care the most. Right? These are ambitious, high performing women. And they don't fall into the spiral because of laziness or because of disinterest. It's because, like you said, T, like, something happens and the spiral kicks off and then like, you know, before you know it, there you are. So we want to walk you through what this cycle looks like. And for some of you, you might listen to this and be like, oh, my gosh, I see myself in this.
So I really want you to pay attention to what this looks like. Okay, so first it starts with the standard that a woman sets for herself. And like I said, it's usually a very high standard where you decide you're going all in. You're going to do all the things, you're going to hit all your training, you're going to nail your nutrition. You know, if you have a coach, you're going to do all the check ins, you're in it. And at the beginning, it feels amazing because you're seeing change, there's momentum. But T, like you said, then something happens. You miss the mark.
And it can be something small like a missed meal, a missed workout. It could be a stressful week. And none of these things, like, on their own are huge or earth shattering necessarily. It's literally life happening. So that's the other thing I think we need to understand is, like, these things are going to happen. It's not if, it's when, but that's when the spiral starts. Instead of just acknowledging the missed meal, missed workout, you know, whatever it is, this woman starts to spin a story, or what we call a narrative, okay, that something is wrong with her, that she can't do this, that she always fails. I have heard all of those statements from women before.
And this narrative gets so loud and so pervasive that this woman barely notices that it's the story that is causing the damage and sabotage, not the missed workout or the missed meal. It's not that one thing. Right?
Yeah.
From that story like you described about Brian T. Like, this woman will disengage and she'll stop doing the thing. So she'll stop logging her meals, she'll skip more workouts, she'll ghost her coach. We have seen that for sure. Again, it's not because this person stopped caring. It's because they see themselves as a failure.
Yep.
So then the absence starts to grow and a few days does become a few weeks and maybe even a few months. And now you know, you're not just behind on your goals. You actually feel like you don't deserve to come back because you have nothing to show for it. You feel like you have to, like, prove yourself and do something before you can earn your way back in. And this is the next part that is, like, hits so close to home for me. The perfection paralysis sets in.
Oh, yeah.
Where you tell yourself, I'm gonna wait till I feel ready. Or, you know, you tell yourself that I'll do that. Fresh start next month, whatever it is, next week. Meanwhile, life is passing you by. Everything is going on and you're stuck where you are. So what's important to understand is that the shame spiral is not about motivation or discipline or willpower. It is, it is a story problem. It is that narrative that you are trapped in.
And until that story changes, no amount of effort is going to pull you back in. That's the other thing we want you to understand is like, you can't just will yourself or push yourself back in. The spiral is not just keeping you stuck on the outside. You're stuck in your own head. So that is the cycle that keeps repeating and keeps women stuck. And you know, I think also what makes it hard is that it shows up differently for everyone. Right? Everybody's story is so personal to them. So Jord, I would love if you could walk us through, like, what does this look like, let's say in real life, for a woman living her life, where does this appear?
Four Shame Spiral Patterns That Keep Women Stuck in Their Fitness Goals
Yes. Okay, so before I dive in, cause there's four examples. I just also want to reinforce the fact that like these aren't actually edge cases or random one offs. These are women in our community, things we hear all the time. Things I've heard in the DMS as well, chatting with women. And so these are aggregates of those experiences. And so as you're listening, you know, see if you recognize yourself in any and double down on where that story is playing in your head because it's going to be the work that you need to do ultimately. So the first one is the all or nothing weekend.
All-or-Nothing Thinking: When One Missed Workout Becomes a Lost Week
So you've been solid all week. Then Friday hits. You might have a couple of drinks to unwind on a Friday, some food. You weren't planning on Saturday, you think, oh well, the week is kind of shot and I'm just going to let it go and enjoy myself. I only live once. And then by Sunday night you're like, okay, I'm gonna start again on Monday, I'm gonna lock in on Monday. It's all gonna be different. And Monday comes and that shame sets in and you're like, okay, now I have to work extra hard, I have to do an extra hard workout.
And your self talk is like so negative in your head and you're like, now what? You know, so that's like the first one is that all or nothing piece. Have you guys seen this? Have you like what's your.
Have you lived it?
Have you lived it?
Yeah.
Who's been there?
Mary, You. You did that famous re like, oh, I spilled my coffee. I'm gonna spill the whole mug.
Yeah. I mean, it's just again, I don't say this with judgment, but it's like, it doesn't make sense. Right. That's why that reel was so funny. Because it's like, if you apply that to anything else in life, why would you do that? Right. It makes no sense. You need to just like, get back up and keep going. No one's gonna fault you for that.
Yeah.
And not that anyone's gonna fault you. We're not here to judge. But in reality, it's like I would look at someone who has maybe fallen or kind of sidestepped and then gotten back to it versus somebody who's like, done something and then I completely quit. Like, I look at that person who's continued to, you know, do the things and be like, wow, she is so resilient. Wow. Like, that to me is inspiring.
Yeah.
Right. So, I mean, I've seen it myself. I've seen it with clients. It happens a lot. The all or nothing.
Ghosting Your Fitness Coach and Disappearing From Your Accountability Group
I agree. The second one is the group ghost. So perhaps you're part of a coaching community or a challenge or a CrossFit gym or something like that. You miss a few check ins, you stop posting, you stop showing up. And then you start to see other people continuing to share their wins. And you think, like, I've got nothing good to share. That's not me. And the comparison starts to set in and you end up, instead of being a participant in the group, you start to become an observer of the group.
And that shame is actually where it. It doubles down in this spot because people will start to then be like, well, she's making this success and I'm not making this success. And it actually makes you feel worse about yourself than you intended. You know, time will pass. It's been so long since you've participated that you're convinced that it's like, now it's too embarrassing for me to show up, to ask for help, to share where I am now, because it's not where I expect it to be. And here's the thing about the group. One is like, we see this a lot. Even with clients who are making progress, sometimes they're comparing to other clients progress who are maybe like years ahead of them.
Like, they don't have the full context of that client's journey. Yeah.
Or different circumstances.
Yeah, different circumstances. Life stage. All of those things are in play. But all they see is the post of the person being like, X, Y, Z, success. And then the comparison starts, and then the shame doubles down, and then they're, like, feeling bad about themselves, and instead they're doing the opposite of what they actually should be doing, which is engaging. By engaging, you realize and you learn other people's backstories where it's like, oh, I couldn't possibly. Like, of course they're where they are. Like, their habits are abc, or they've been doing this for, like, four years and I'm only in my first three months.
Like, the context is so important. And by engaging in those. Those stories, those posts, and by participating and sharing, you're then bringing people back into your journey. So there are other lurkers in the group that you could be inspiring to get reengaged because you decided to take that risk.
I've really reframed this, and I've pushed people in the right direction with this where, like. Because that's kind of what I tell myself. I'm like, we're here to, like, reframe things for people. Like, they'll say, oh, I don't want to post anything. Same thing. Because I feel like other people's wins
are bigger than mine.
Bigger than mine. And. And then I explore that. And I'm like, well, what would it mean if you shared anyway? Yeah, like, what do you think that would do? And it's like, well, I guess other people might be in the same boat. Of course they are. But do you think that people are more likely to post if they're on their highest of highs or if they're feeling like they're kind of in a limbo or, like, not. But that's the things people relate to. And all of a sudden, you're starting conversations with people who are like, hey, I'm in the same boat.
Thank you for saying that. Thank you for communicating that. Like, even a mentorship I'm in. Yesterday, I was kind of like their example of whatever we were talking about. And then, you know, it was a little bit hard for me to share, but then when I did, like, a bunch of people in the chat were like, thank you. You just put to words, like, exactly how I'm feeling.
That always happens. I feel like, you know, when any of our clients are brave enough to share that vulnerability, it has always been received that way, where people will jump in and say, thank you. That's how I've been feeling. Or I've even heard where they'll message them privately and say, thank you so much. You have no idea how much that impacted me. Because here's the reality. We are all going through something, a different version of that something. But there is no woman that we work with that can't relate to something else one of our clients is going through.
And we actually, gosh, I think it was like last year we did an episode. But remember the episode we did about, like, your circle calls you higher.
Yes.
That's the other thing you have to remember. And I think this is so hard for women because I feel like our default is comparison, where it's like, if you are having a hard time, lean into that community because you can leverage their motivation, their insights, their strategies. Instead of looking at it and saying, oh my gosh, I'm not all those things. How about you look at it and say, huh? How can I utilize any of those things to help me in my situation? Yeah, I think that's such an important reason.
Exactly.
And it's like, what you've been doing hasn't been working, so why not try on something new and see what happens? And so if you've always said, I'm not doing this, then now's the time to actually post and share and talk and do it differently, because that's what's going to help you make the progress.
Totally. And we were never meant to be solitary creatures. Like we never were meant to, especially as women. Again, another rant for maybe another day. But like, if you go back in history, like, women lived in community, women menstruated together, women did everything together. So it's like we've now become like isolated people. But we need community now more than ever. We do more than ever.
And to just close the loop on what you're saying, it's called the tend and befriend stress response. Like, women actually have a third stress response, not just fight and flight. We have tend to befriend. And tend and befriend is. Is how we help regulate our stress hormones. And so being in community, whether virtual or. Or in person, is so important because that's how we relate to one another and that's how we make progress too, and see that we're all the same in at the end of the day. So the third one is the summer countdown trap.
You had a goal to feel a certain way by June back in January, or maybe even last fall. And now you're sitting back being like, huh, I'm not anywhere close. Like, I'm not where I want to be, but I'm also not anywhere close to where I thought I would be. And instead of adjusting the plan, you proactively in the worst possible way, start grieving the summer before it's even here. All the things that you thought you would do because you would be in the body, quote unquote, that you wanted, that would allow you to do the things that you think that you can't do in this current body. So it's like you're giving up before you've even gotten to that timeframe, because you're not living in the. The physical sense that you want it to be. So you're not just gonna try anyway.
You check out of all your habits, you write off the season, and then you're like, I'm just gonna live my life how I'm living my life, and I'm gonna come back to it in the fall.
And.
And this is the type of person where this happens every season. It's like a constant slip. Have you guys got experience with this one?
Yes.
Right away.
I can think of several clients that I've talked out of this, which is like, they focus on the outputs and not the inputs. So it's almost like, I need to be here. I need to be here. It's like, okay. But the actions you're taking are not just things you're doing to get to that end result.
That's right.
It's like you need to embrace the journey, and that's the reframe I give them. Because it's like you need to be putting these reps in and you'll get there eventually. But don't give up just because you're not there on some magic timeline.
That's right, Exactly.
It's like, the journey is your life. Like, one of my clients used to say that, and she's like, that was her motto. Like, the journey is my life. Like, every day that I live my lifestyle is the day that I'm living my life. You know, it's not just a temporary thing to get to the outcome. It's every day that you're getting there. And that mental shift is so huge. The last one we've got here is the comparison collapse.
So you see someone is kind of a. The other side of the sharing one. You see somebody else's transformation, like a progress photo or, you know, what they're sharing on social media. And instead of feeling, or you run into somebody that you haven't seen in a while, instead of feeling inspired, you feel that shame. You feel the lack of. You feel like what you haven't been doing. It kind of all acts as a mirror and kind of slaps you in the face. And instead of reframing that as, you know, okay, this is a sign that, you know, maybe now I need to focus.
You use it as an opportunity to further shame yourself. Like, push yourself into that. Like, you miss the window. Everyone else has figured it out except for me. And you isolate yourself. Like, the crazy part about all of these types of women is that none of them don't care. Like you said earlier, Amir, they care so much that the gap between where they are and where they thought they'd be, it became unbearable. There's so much care there.
And that's. The spiral is the high standards plus perceived failures plus the isolationist behaviors equal the paralysis and the stuckness. And that's what is happening. Like, when we tile the threads together. And if you're hearing these examples and you're thinking like, oh, my gosh, that is so me. I've been there. I've been hiding, know how to come back from this. Like, this is what you need to know.
This is what you need to hear. You don't have to earn your way back in. You don't need to show up with weight loss already happened. You don't have to have a perfect week behind you. You don't have to do it alone. You just need to show up. You just need to take that first step. So if you are in a shame spiral right now and you need a community that understands this where you can come back without explanation or performance, we have our applications open.
You can click the link in the show notes below. Our clients are in the thick of real life. Like, this is what they do, and we help them break that spiral and rebuild momentum without the shame, and they can move forward feeling more confident and more part of a collective. Right.
Love that.
Yeah. So this is what I find so important, is to understand why mar. Can you walk us through the High Achiever? And why this is so hard for them.
Why Perfectionism and the Shame Spiral Go Hand in Hand for High-Achieving Women
Yeah, for sure. I feel like this is the perfect place for me to speak. Yeah. This was me for so long, and I still battled these parts of myself sometimes, which is, like, perfectionism. Right. Like, how does perfectionism make this so much worse? So from the outside, people might look at a woman who's in a shame spiral and think, you know, like, okay, we'll just, like, get back to it. It's not that complicated. But what people don't understand is, like, it is that complicated because perfectionism is doing something underneath the surface that A lot of people don't see.
Even the woman herself doesn't necessarily see it until it's happening. And we say perfectionism, and people think that's like, oh, you want everything to be perfect. Okay, well, that's part of it. But that's the surface story underneath what perfectionism is. And this was my biggest aha moment when I figured this out for myself. Perfectionism is actually a protection strategy. Okay. Because think about it.
If you never fully commit to something, then you can never fail at it. Yeah. If you're one foot in, one foot out, then if something happens, disappointment is manageable. It's almost like you're containing the risk. And if you think about this, too, a lot of women will do this with their fitness, but these tendencies happen elsewhere in relationships, in, like, you know, like, going after things like jobs. So this tendency is, like, pervasive. And a lot of women have lived their life like this, whether it's conscious or not, but they feel it's keeping them safe. But again, is it? Actually, there are other perfectionist types.
Okay. So aside from the ones that kind of are half in, half out, the other type is the ones that do go all in. And they say, like, yep, I'm ready to do the work. I'm going to do all the things, and then life happens, and then it feels catastrophic.
Yeah.
So there's kind of like those two scenarios. The perfectionist doesn't see this for what it is, which is just a setback, an opportunity to learn. Instead, what happens is this woman sees it as evidence. Evidence that she was right, things were gonna go wrong. She's a failure. Like, I should not have done this. And once the brain has evidence, it gets very efficient at finding more of it. We actually.
Our brains actually have a negativity bias. I tell my clients this all the time. Like, if you're not doing the things, you are essentially making deposits in your brain that I'm someone who does not follow through. I am someone who skips my workouts. The opposite is true. If you are doing the things you are, then depositing in your brain that I am someone who shows up. I am someone who gets things done. So your brain is going to go to.
What's that saying?
Right Path of least resistance.
Exactly. So once you deposit that evidence that you are not someone who follows through, every old failure you've had is going to be, like, further evidence of, like, see, this is what I always do. And instead of it being just one bad moment, this now is, like, defining who you are. So this is essentially like the perfectionist trap. We've done episodes about this as well. This is what it's all about. And so what happens now is that a lot of women confuse discipline with punishment. They think that the way to get back to things is, like, push harder.
I'm going to do more workouts, I'm going to eat less food, but you can't shame yourself into change or results. That is what diet culture has taught us, though, that, like, if you do more and push harder, then you're going to do better. But in this context, what happens is your burnout gets stronger and the spiral goes deeper. Mm. So we have many, like, you know, pillars. We have what we call our sculpted standards when you are with us and get sculpted. And there's two in particular that are really important and applicable to what we're talking about. The first one is full commitment, no half measures.
When we say full commitment, though, and I. And if for any of our clients listening we want to reinforce this, it doesn't mean perfect. Like, nowhere are we expecting perfection.
Yeah.
Not full perfection. No, it.
Yeah, that's exactly. So what it means is, you know, just your full commitment to getting back to the plan after something happens. It's not if, it's when. So that is what commitment no half measures is. It's not the absence of failing, it's the presence of returning.
Yes.
I was gonna say it's that we always tell our clients we don't expect perfection. We expect honesty. And that's really what that means. It's like it's just committing to showing up, not showing up perfectly.
Exactly.
Can I add a little client story about this? Please love that somebody I'm working with right now. And she got into this shame spiral, and it totally withdrew her. And there was a lot of life stuff happening for her, like, big, big life changes, and she had to, like, rebuild most of her life. And that was, like, massive, because what she thought she was navigating the scenario she was living in is now flipped on its head. It's completely different. Like, different city, she's now alone. Like, you know, different daily routine. All of that had to be rebuilt, and her past self would have stopped.
Like, she was a client of mine before. Before, she would have ghosted. She, like, would stop communicating. She would stop doing everything and just fall into the hardest parts of her habits that weren't serving her. And so this time, what happened was I was like, you know what? We need to flip this. Because in her check in, she had shared a bunch of Things that she did well. And then she just went into like, all the things that were bad and that she could have done better. And I said, first of all, like one you checked in.
That's a win in and of itself, right? Like communicating and sharing honestly. That's what we are expecting from full commitment, no half measures. And then I said to her, you know, you do have that negativity bias. We need to address that. Because if you won't really ever see the work that you are putting in, you'll always be putting yourself down and falling victim to this shame spiral that you've been susceptible to. So what we've been doing the last couple of weeks is I've had her message me privately in the app and just tell me one win that day, like just highlight the one win. And what was incredible was she went from like being like, oh, I had half the dessert today. And I was like, that's great.
And then the next day it was, I actually didn't have any dessert at all today. And then the next day was like, I went for a hike. And the hike I went on I wouldn't be able to have done last summer. And then it was like, I actually food prepped all my food for the next three days and it's like the winds got progressively stacked on one another, that they were bigger and bigger. And now she's going away to a cabin for a few days and she's like, I already packed all my food, I'm packing my bands with me. And like, this is gonna be amazing couple of days. And it was such a short time that that turned around and we're just gonna keep doing it. It's evidence.
We're depositing positive evidence instead. She was looking for positive evidence?
Yep.
And it's been very powerful for her.
I love that. I think I might've mentioned it on previous episodes. Cuz what happens with that is that the lens opens, right? Like you zoom out and you're able to see. Cause when you're in a shame spiral, you are so fixated on the thing that you perceive as going wrong. So, Jordan, I do something really similar. We call it the pop. It's proof of progress. So my clients, either like some of them, I have them doing it daily.
Some of them, it's like at the end of the week and depends on the person and where they're at in their journey, but they have to tell me a pop every day. And it's just like, it's. It's that same thing. Like it doesn't have to be this monumental thing. It can be something simple, as I had half a piece of dessert or I had no dessert. Like, it could be something so small. It can be big things, too. But what it does is, like we said, it creates that evidence that you're actually doing things that are moving you forward.
And it also broadens the lens to see what is the proof of progress. It doesn't have to be, like, 30 pounds of fat loss. It can be, but it's like, did you stick to your. Your meal plan today? Did you, like, hit your protein goals? Did you get your 10,000 steps? Like, it's so important to do that. I love that you do that too. I love it. I think it's so important. Um, the next pillar, though, I think that everybody needs to know about is what we call follow the plan, not your mood.
This one I think I talk about daily with clients. It's very important for the perfectionist, because the overwhelming mood when you're in the middle of a spiral is shame, right? That's what it is. You feel shame, but the plan is there to anchor you, and it helps you show up anyway. I can't tell you how many times I have this conversation where I'm like, we can adjust the plan, but we never want to abandon it. Like, if you are going through chaos, what do you want in a storm? Something to ground you, Something to hold you. That is what your plan is, so we can adjust it. But why would you stop eating? Why would you stop moving? Like, you're already going through something, you know, possibly terrible, Whatever it is, all of those things that you're now neglecting are the very things that are going to help you get through this as unscathed as possible. So, again, it doesn't make sense to give it up.
We simply adjust. And so when a woman follows the plan and not her mood, they start to interrupt that spiral and create new evidence, and it is a new narrative. You are now the woman who keeps showing up. You're the woman who leans in for support, who asks her coach, hey, I'm going through a really rough patch. I need help how to make this work. Boom, there we are. As always, we love the tactical side of things. And t, you're perfect to go through this with us, but can you talk to us? Like, what is someone gonna do now? They're in the spiral.
They're feeling stuck, so what can they do?
How to Get Back on Track With Fitness After the Shame Spiral Has You Stuck
Well, you hit the nail on the head there, Mare, when you just said, like, it's about, like, reaching out and Showing up. So the number one is to name it out loud. This is what I always tell my clients, especially, like, and I know our clients do listen to this. So don't wait until like you're at your next check in or like till it's over or you're self navigating. Like, that's quite literally what we're here for. So the first step is like, don't spiral in silence. So it only has power. If you, like, basically feed these thoughts in your mind and you're going to be like a hamster on a wheel.
As soon as you, like, communicate that, it typically loses that effect it has on you. And I know this too. This is a tactic I used when my anxiety was like, really high. It was like I had all these like, fears and scenarios in my head. And then if I would say it, like, even to my therapist or write it down, it would be like, okay, now that I kind of said that out loud, it's actually like, you know, it doesn't make sense that that's going to happen. So it's kind of the same thing as the shame spiral. So say it yourself, Write it down. Tell your coach.
So what I was saying was like, I tell my clients, like, message me while it's happening, right? Like, hey, T, this is what I'm feeling right now. And sometimes it's not a matter of like, I'm not gonna give you a 10 step list. It's more like, I'm listening, I'm here. And this is the reminder that this is not reality. This is your, your mind telling you that, like, you're this and that. And sometimes that's what you need. And it's just reinforcing, like putting a name to it. It's like, you're here, your shame is here.
You are not those feelings.
Yes, that's right. Can I tell you one quick thing? So when I was teaching, this is so parallel to this. We would help kids try and like, regulate their emotions. And this is the very same thing we would say, like, the first thing you need to do is name it. So we had this little saying called name it and tame it. So as soon as you name it, you are literally in a better position to tame it. And you don't let that feeling take you over because you're right. Like, once you're already in the shame spiral and you're so like, in the thick of it, it's not impossible, but it is far more difficult to get out of it versus, like you said, I'm feeling this Way right off the bat, reach out for the help.
If you name it, you can tame it before it becomes this big monster that's taken over. So name it and tame it.
Exactly. I love that. And then the stories, it just keeps feeding itself. I can't tell you how many times I've kept things to myself. And you've told yourself a whole ass story, and that's like, not even true. You're just adding logs to the fire. The wrong kind. So.
And then number two is drop the re entry tax. So that means, like, you don't owe anyone, like, something for coming back. So, like, no, you ghosted your coach. Okay. That's okay. We're not going to bite your head off. That's what I always tell people is like, if they've been a little silent, I'm like, it's all good. Don't worry, you know, we're here unconditionally.
So you don't have to be like, okay, I'm going to pick things up before I jump back in. Or like, oh, before I show my face again, I got to like, lose these five pounds that I gained. Or like, I got to get myself together. Well, no, that's why you're showing up. Yeah, because you want to leverage as much support as you can. Like, show up how you are. And then when you do that, it's setting that message for yourself that, like, I don't just show up when I'm perfect. Because by you not showing up yet, you're just feeding into that perfectionism.
Number three is find your smallest.
True.
Yes. So you don't need to go from zero to like a hundred. Like, if you haven't been doing anything and you've fallen off for like a week, you're not going to say, okay, I'm going to perfectly track my macros and I'm going to hit 10,000 steps and I'm gonna do all of my steps. No, just, just pick the next thing. My rule of thumb is like, I'm gonna jump back on at the next meal. Like, perfect example is like, this always shoots me in the foot. But if I haven't tracked my macros halfway through the day, I'll be like, okay, well, I don't really remember what I ate. I'll just start tomorrow.
And then it's like, you know, in that case, like, that's not a major thing and I'm not really shame spiraling about it. But, like, I'll just tell myself, you know what, I'm just gonna track my dinner just to yeah.
Get back into routine.
Or I'll just track tomorrow preemptively with no shame. I'm like, okay, that's fine. Like, no big deal. I didn't do the rest of the day. And that's how we want you to approach it. So just what's one thing you can commit to today or even right now? Right? Like, you've been working all day long, and you're like, I'm never gonna have time for a workout. You know what? I'm gonna take 10 minutes and go for a walk. It's a nice day.
I'm gonna do that right now. Just act on it as soon as you think of it. A small action doesn't need to be huge. Check in with your coach. Like, I always tell my clients, and this is something that they always say they appreciate is, like, when that check in reminder comes through, and they'll be like, oh, I. I'm a little bit busy today. I don't have my measurements. I'm like, just do what you do.
Check in.
Yeah.
When you see the check in, you're gonna check in. And then they're kind of sometimes like, oh, man. My old coach would just be like, just do it whenever you can or do it three days later. They would kind of accept my answer. I'm like, I mean this in the loving way, but I'm not gonna accept that. Like, you're gonna do it, and even if it's not, like, perfect or whatever, you're learning that, like, you show up anyway, and then that. That's the whole point.
Yeah, good point.
And this is a good reference, actually, to one of our sculpted standards, which is to be an active participant in gaining momentum. So this means, like, if you're going through a tough season, you have to actively, like, make a decision that you're going to take a step forward out of it. So you're not waiting for the perfect condition. Like, you know, I. I'm sure we've all had clients like this. Like, I have one right now who she's in a quite a depressed state, and she's going through a lot in her personal life. And I told her, like, the word and is powerful. Like, you're going through a lot.
It's tough, and let's show up for yourself more. Like, let's just go 1% better. It doesn't mean, like, full throttle. It means, like, and you're gonna have to do hard things to show up for yourself. Like, you're gonna get outside every day. It's maybe we're not doing hour long workouts. We're. We're not even doing excessive training right now.
We're just focusing on the one thing. Do you guys have any people that come to mind or anything to add here?
No. I think this is just such great advice because again, like, the shame spiral takes over and you do nothing. So coming back to that thing, it's like, do something right. It doesn't have to be perfect, but what can you commit to in this next moment? So that way you're not always saying, oh, tomorrow or Monday or next week, just, what's the next best thing you can do? I love that.
Absolutely. And then four is challenge the story, not just the behavior. So the spiral lives in that narrative and you're only giving it power by this story you're telling your head. It's really all that it is. So ask yourself, is this true or is it the shame talking? You didn't fail. You just had a hard stretch. And that's not the same thing. And remember, like we said earlier, this is why it helps to chat this through.
So you're not just living in these stories you tell yourself in your head. Five, reconnect with who you're doing this for. Who? Meaning, like the version of yourself. You're not doing it to be hot for the summer. Well, not only, right, like, it's okay to want to do that, but you're not doing it for the one, the photo, the looking good at your kid's graduation or being hot for 40. You're doing this to, like, stay as that version of yourself. And it's not about the outcome, it's who you become in that process. And if you want to become that person in that process, that means you're going to have to let go of this expectation to be perfect all the time, because it's not serving you.
And hopefully you've really, like, internalized that with what we talked about here. This comes back to one of our other standards, which is your dream body, your dream life, which means, like, you're not just doing this for the end result. It's. It's who you're becoming. And finally, use the community as your return ramp. So that means, like, borrow other people's belief, borrow other people's headspace mindset. Like, lean on them, leverage them. Like I always say, like to my clients, all of them, I'm like, you gotta leverage all the tools you have here.
You wanna get to your most successful fittest, hottest, leanest, most sculpted self. Like, use all the resources you have, and that Means, like, if you're in this community, which is another one of our standards leaning into community, like, you're automatically in this group of women who are like, yes, I want to level up my life. I want better for myself. A lot of them have been in this, like, shame spiral or had these limiting beliefs, and now you're surrounding yourself with people who've been through it, and you're amplifying that for yourself as well.
Can I just shout out our community? Because the Get Sculpted client club is the bomb. Like, you guys are amazing. Like, constantly showing up for one another, being vulnerable, getting into that messy middle. Like, they are just there. And I think it's just a really special place on the Internet that is pretty unique. So love you guys.
I agree. Yes, we love you.
We love you. You are the bomb. And by the way, if you are getting value out of this, please give it a share. I know we're going to take it home now, but this is a good time to prompt you. Like, give back to people around you. And if you are in our community, we appreciate that as well. So let's close this off here, guys. If you are someone who is experiencing some of the things that we talked about, like the summer being gone, but it hasn't even started yet, or that your shame spiral is going to steal that current season from you, don't let it take the next season.
Remember, like, you don't need to be perfect to come back. You just need to be yourself and show up authentically and just really commit to, like, doing this without having those perfection expectations. So if you are in that spiral, our community's open. Come find us. You can get more information and learn more about us at getsculpted.ca/contact. Tell us about you. We'll see where you're at and then we'll chat with you to see how we can help you get out of that shame spiral and into your 2.0 self. So thank you guys so much.
I really enjoyed this episode. Hopefully you did, too. And we'll see you in the next one.