How to Build Healthy Habits When Your Family Won't
Trying to build healthy habits for moms while your family isn't on board? Learn how to lead change at home without the nagging in this episode of Get Sculpted
If you've ever felt like the odd one out in your own home, eating differently, moving your body while everyone else stays on the couch, quietly wishing your family would just get on board, you're not doing anything wrong. You're just ahead of the curve. And the good news is, you don't have to drag everyone with you to make real, lasting change.
In this episode, Coaches Marilynn, Tijana, and Jordanna get into one of the most common struggles they hear from the women they work with: how to build healthy habits for moms without turning their homes into battlegrounds. Because the truth is, you don't need everyone's buy-in to change the culture in your house. You just need to become the most consistent signal of change in your environment.
Here's what we cover:
Why nagging never works, and what to do instead that actually creates lasting change without the tension
How your own consistency sets the tone for the entire household, even when no one else seems to be paying attention
Why you don't need your family on the same plan as you, and what your non-negotiables should look like
How to shift family food culture without declaring war on anyone's plate, including your partner's Doritos
The language to use around food and body image in front of your kids, especially your daughters, so you're not passing down the same patterns you grew up with
What to say when your partner isn't on board, and how to have that conversation without it turning into an ultimatum
Why modeling healthy behavior is more powerful than any rule you could ever enforce, and how that ripple effect actually works in real life
How to invite your kids into healthy habits in a way that makes them want to participate instead of resist
What support looks like when it's not coming from the people under your roof, and where to find it
This episode is for the mom who is doing the work, making the changes, and feeling like she's doing it alone. The one who keeps second-guessing herself because her family isn't following her lead yet. Here's what we want you to know: your consistency is leadership. And the ripple effect is already happening, even when you can't see it.
“You do not need to control everyone in your house to change the culture in your home. You just need to become the most consistent signal of change in that environment." — Coach Marilynn
Ready to stop waiting for permission and start building the habits that actually stick? Coaches Marilynn, Tijana, and Jordanna personally review every application and will meet you exactly where you are. Fill out the form atgetsculpted.ca/contact or DM us on Instagram @getsculpted.ca. And if this one resonated, subscribe, because there is a lot more where this came from.
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More about the Get Sculpted Podcast
Welcome to Get Sculpted, the podcast for women who want to gain muscle and lose belly fat, improve their metabolism, and create real results using science-based fat loss strategies and practical coaching.
We go beyond quick fixes and fad diets to give you sustainable fat loss, strength training for weight loss, and fitness tips for women who want results without burning out. You’ll learn how lifting weights supports fat loss, how to train smarter instead of longer, and how to build habits that fit your lifestyle. Think less about guessing, more about clarity, and about progress you can maintain.
Whether you’re getting started or focused on building muscle after 30, this podcast gives women the tools to lose fat, gain muscle, and feel stronger, without relying on endless cardio or restrictive plans. We emphasize fat loss without cardio extremes, so you can train with confidence and consistency.
We’re your hosts, Jordanna, Marilynn, and Tijana, fitness professionals with over 20 years of combined experience and 1,000+ client transformations. With a strong focus on helping women 30 and older, we specialize in strength training, improving metabolism, and weight training for sustainable, realistic weight loss.
We’ll cover questions like:
Can you build muscle and lose belly fat at the same time?
How does strength training support weight loss?
What’s the best way to lose fat without losing muscle?
What’s the best way to lose fat without relying on cardio?
How can lifting weights improve my metabolism?
Why am I not losing weight even though I’m working out and eating healthy?
How can I stop yo-yo dieting for good?
If you’ve been searching for sustainable fat loss, women’s nutrition, and weight training that actually works, you’re in the right place. Join us every week for practical guidance, honest conversations, and tools to sculpt a stronger body and a more confident life.
Connect with us on Instagram at @getsculted.ca
The unedited podcast transcript for this episode of the Get Sculpted podcast follows:
The Challenge of Creating Healthy Changes at Home
Marilynn [00:00:00 - 00:00:46]: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome back to the Get Sculpted podcast. [00:00:02] I'm Marilyn and I've got Jordanna and Tijana here with me. [00:00:05] And today we are talking about something that we know a lot of women feel, but they don't always know how to handle it without it turning into big tension in the house. [00:00:15] A lot of you want to make healthier changes at home, and it starts with the best intentions. [00:00:19] You want to feel supported as you're making changes yourself. [00:00:23] You want better routines for you and your family, and you want your kids to grow up with a healthier relationship with food than you did. [00:00:30] But this can quickly turn into you feeling like the food police. [00:00:34] You start reminding and correcting, but then suddenly it shifts to you nagging, feeling guilty, or you might even give up entirely because it feels like keeping the peace is easier than pushing this change.The Big Idea: Leading Change Through Consistency
Marilynn [00:00:47 - 00:01:41]: [00:00:47] So here is the big idea we want you to know as we kick off this episode. [00:00:51] You do not need to control everyone in your house to change the culture in your home. [00:00:57] You just need to become the most consistent signal of change in that environment, because your consistency actually will change the entire atmosphere in your home. [00:01:08] And with Mother's Day coming up, we think that this is the perfect time to have this conversation, because moms and caregivers, you already carry so much, but you also carry so much influence in the home. [00:01:19] Right? [00:01:20] So this is about using that influence in a way that is peaceful and not combative. [00:01:25] So today we're going to break it down into three parts. [00:01:27] We're going to talk about how to shift from nagging to modeling, because modeling definitely works better than nagging, we can tell you that. [00:01:34] We're going to talk about how a woman's health habits can set the tone in the household without it turning into, like, a part time job.Marilynn [00:01:41 - 00:01:55]: [00:01:41] And then we're going to talk about some practical food culture shifts that will help you raise strong kids, influence your partners, and stop making food this battleground in your home. [00:01:52] So, ladies, are we ready? [00:01:53] This is gonna be a really good one. [00:01:54] I can already feel it.
Jordanna [00:01:55 - 00:01:56]: [00:01:55] Yeah, it's gonna be a good one.
Tijana [00:01:56 - 00:01:57]: [00:01:56] Perfect timing.
Marilynn [00:01:57 - 00:02:05]: [00:01:57] It is perfect timing. [00:01:58] So, Jordanna, if you could kick things off just by talking about why nagging doesn't work and what the women who are listening can do instead.
Why Nagging Doesn't Work and What to Do Instead
Jordanna [00:02:05 - 00:03:08]: [00:02:05] Yeah, like, nagging doesn't work for all the reasons that we intuitively know, right? [00:02:11] When you're a kid and your mom would be like, do this, do this, do this. [00:02:14] What's your natural instinct is to do the opposite. [00:02:18] Say no, do the exact opposite. [00:02:21] So it Backfires every single time. [00:02:23] And now that we're in the position of mom, it's like, how do you want to show up in the home, right? [00:02:28] What is the vibe that you want in your home space? [00:02:33] How do you want to create behaviors that are going to feel lasting and positive? [00:02:38] And usually nagging is not the best route to get us there. [00:02:43] People tend to make change us or our family members when they feel safe, when they have autonomy to do so, and then when they feel like an inspiration, like there's a bigger reason why they should do it, because it's for themselves instead of being influenced and controlled by somebody else. [00:03:01] And the reason why nagging doesn't work. [00:03:04] And I think if you're listening, you're like, duh, I already know why it doesn't work.Jordanna [00:03:09 - 00:03:26]: [00:03:09] We get defensive right away. [00:03:11] It's like, stop telling me what to do, right, Because I want to do it myself. [00:03:14] Especially if you have teenagers at home, that is like, when they're supposed to be rebelling against you, like they're supposed to be coming more independent. [00:03:23] That's what we want them to do. [00:03:24] So to control them more is actually going to backfire.
Tijana [00:03:27 - 00:03:29]: [00:03:27] It's so hard at the moment. [00:03:28] It is.
Jordanna [00:03:29 - 00:04:06]: [00:03:29] It is so hard in the moment. [00:03:30] It creates this power dynamic that really can get very unhealthy and can spiral outside of the. [00:03:36] The relationship with food or the health, you know, changes that we're trying to make. [00:03:39] We don't want to manage our family members. [00:03:43] We want them to feel empowered to live the way that they want to live, as healthy and happy as they can. [00:03:50] But that doesn't always look and feel the way that we want it to look and feel or to align exactly with our own habits. [00:03:57] And we can turn this into a moral issue really, really quickly. [00:04:02] Good and bad, right and wrong, shame, rebellion.
Jordanna [00:04:06 - 00:04:56]: [00:04:06] And I know this often comes with good intentions, and that's where a lot of us are coming from, is we want this to be a positive change, something we all do together. [00:04:15] But when you bought in to make your healthy changes, you did that without gaining alignment, necessarily from everyone else in your home. [00:04:24] So they're like, wait a second, I thought we lived this way. [00:04:26] And you're like, no, no, now we do it this way. [00:04:29] Like, we have this in the house and we eat this way and we eat at. [00:04:34] But if there's not buy in from the rest of the home, your good intentions are kind of land like you're criticizing and you're telling them what to do, and that can be more harmful than helpful. [00:04:46] And I think that what I said before was, like, when people want something to stick, it's because they chose it. [00:04:54] They're like, I am personally making this change.
Jordanna [00:04:56 - 00:05:40]: [00:04:56] Right. [00:04:57] And they feel the competence, like, I can do this. [00:05:01] And when we do it for other people, we take away that autonomy and we prevent them from building the confidence they need to make those habits stick for themselves. [00:05:09] And the third piece is like the connection element. [00:05:12] Instead of nagging our way to there, or, you know, forcing our opinion on somebody in our home to make the change with us, whether that's our partners, whether that's our kids, whether it's like, others that might be living with us, they're feeling judged by what they do, and that can instill some shame as well. [00:05:29] So we really want them to feel supported instead. [00:05:31] And that's what's gonna create the connection around the habits that you ultimately want to create. [00:05:36] It's not our job to convince people to live a healthier life.
Jordanna [00:05:40 - 00:05:50]: [00:05:40] It's our job to create the environment and to take the action ourselves to make that change. [00:05:46] And then it becomes this more ripple effect. [00:05:48] You know what I'm saying? [00:05:49] T? [00:05:49] I think you want to add something.
Focusing on Yourself and Sharing Ownership
Tijana [00:05:50 - 00:06:07]: [00:05:50] Yeah, I was just gonna say, like, all I keep thinking is stay in your lane. [00:05:54] Like, just focus on yourself, focus on you. [00:05:56] Because you really can't force other people to make a decision that they didn't even make for themselves. [00:06:01] And I think that's where I see people get frustrated. [00:06:03] I know we're talking about families and, and children, but a lot of this with spouses is what I hear with clients.Jordanna [00:06:08 - 00:06:09]: [00:06:08] Absolutely.
Tijana [00:06:09 - 00:06:18]: [00:06:09] Oh, they don't want to change in this. [00:06:10] And I'm like, look, they never asked for any of that. [00:06:13] Right. [00:06:13] I. [00:06:13] I said, are they supporting you? [00:06:14] And they're like, yeah, of course, but they're not doing it. [00:06:16] And I'm like, look, that's all you can ask.
Marilynn [00:06:18 - 00:06:20]: [00:06:18] But that's also not the same thing.
Tijana [00:06:20 - 00:06:22]: [00:06:20] No, it's not. [00:06:21] What's your guys experience with that?
Personal Stories and Setting an Example Jordanna [00:06:23 - 00:06:31]: [00:06:23] Well, my personal experience was when I decided to get healthy and to make changes at home. [00:06:28] You know, Joey was eating Nutella sandwiches in front of me still.
Marilynn [00:06:31 - 00:06:34]: [00:06:31] And for us, it's Doritos.
Jordanna [00:06:34 - 00:06:34]: [00:06:34] Yeah.
Marilynn [00:06:34 - 00:06:36]: [00:06:34] In this house, Mike's eating Doritos.
Jordanna [00:06:36 - 00:07:15]: [00:06:36] He's like, yeah, this is like, about your health, not my health. [00:06:40] But then it took time for him to come around and be like, huh? [00:06:44] Maybe what? [00:06:45] Me eating Nutella sandwiches in front of you is maybe not helpful. [00:06:48] It's maybe harmful for you. [00:06:50] But also, how is that impacting me? [00:06:53] I Had to let him come around to that idea. [00:06:56] I had to just do what I needed to do, what I wanted to do, how I wanted my body to be treated and feel and let that kind of, like, rub off on him over time. [00:07:05] And it did. [00:07:06] You know, and not everybody is going to have a partner that it does rub off on where they're like, hey, I want to do this with you, or, let's work out together. [00:07:13] It might never be that way.
Jordanna [00:07:15 - 00:07:46]: [00:07:15] We have a client that she decided to make this change and come in to get sculpted and learn how to fuel her body, learn how to work out, use the equipment she had sitting in the basement forever. [00:07:27] And she went from drinking every single day with her husband after work in the evening to no longer drinking, going out for walks, cooking her own food, working out, and her husband is still drinking. [00:07:40] And that's something that she's kind of like, yeah, I can't change him, but I can do this. [00:07:45] For me, it's true.
Marilynn [00:07:46 - 00:07:47]: [00:07:46] Yeah.
Tijana [00:07:47 - 00:07:58]: [00:07:47] And I think people do lean on that. [00:07:48] On the flip side of, like, well, if my partner isn't doing it or my house just doesn't operate that way, I just can't do it. [00:07:54] And that's not true. [00:07:55] Then you take away the ownership, and that's really what this is about.
Jordanna [00:07:58 - 00:07:59]: [00:07:58] Yes, that's a great point.
Your Journey, Your Rules, and the Ripple Effect
Marilynn [00:08:00 - 00:08:26]: [00:08:00] That's the point of this episode is to help, you know, everyone listening understand the shifts that they can make that will hopefully influence. [00:08:06] But you're so right. [00:08:06] At the end of the day, it's your journey, and you hope that your family might pick up on these habits and. [00:08:12] But ultimately, like, you're making this choice, and I actually think it's actually a good lesson to learn, because in the broader context, out in the world with, like, your friends, your coworkers, whatever, you're going to meet other people who may also be resistant to the change you're making.Jordanna [00:08:26 - 00:08:27]: [00:08:26] A hundred percent.
Marilynn [00:08:27 - 00:08:59]: [00:08:27] Right? [00:08:28] Actually, you will for sure. [00:08:29] So learning how to kind of stay steadfast in your goals and your commitment, it's important. [00:08:34] So it's like, it can start in the home. [00:08:36] Hopefully, there's a ripple effect, and to some degree, there will be, and we'll talk more about that. [00:08:40] But I think at the end of the day, it's your journey, your rules, and you have to stay strong in that, because I always tell my clients, like, you go to bed with you at night. [00:08:48] You're in your body, you're in your mind. [00:08:50] So, like, if your husband's eating the Doritos or the nutella yeah, it sucks. [00:08:54] But guess what? [00:08:55] Like, if you eat that, that impacts you, not your husband or your partner or your kids.
Marilynn [00:08:59 - 00:09:00]: [00:08:59] So, yeah.
Actionable Steps to Set the Tone at Home
Jordanna [00:09:00 - 00:09:51]: [00:09:00] And so let's tie this up to what are some actionable steps that you can implement when you're like, I've chosen to go on this health journey, I'm implementing these changes, but I want to set a tone in the home that is inclusive in that and that allows them to step into those changes with me when they're ready. [00:09:19] And there's three or four things that I think we can cover. [00:09:22] The first one is start with yourself and lead with yourself. [00:09:26] So saying, I'm focusing on this. [00:09:29] I am doing this. [00:09:30] You know, it matters to me that I'm making each meal lead with protein, that I'm getting my workout in in the morning and not tell other people what they should do. [00:09:40] Because we control ourselves and ourselves only. [00:09:43] And with our children, we believe we have an element of control, but as they get older, we control them less and less and less.Jordanna [00:09:51 - 00:10:29]: [00:09:51] And so starting to learn how to figure out what's yours and not yours in terms of a level of influence and control. [00:09:58] This is a great opportunity for you to practice that. [00:10:00] The second one is share benefits, not rules, rules. [00:10:04] If you're a millennial, you grew up with so many rules, rules, rules, rules, rules on rules on rules. [00:10:10] And instead of reinforcing those rules for yourself and for your family, it might be better to reframe those as benefits. [00:10:17] What's the outcome that you're gaining from the change that you're making? [00:10:22] And that can be like, I actually don't have as many cravings for sweets when I make sure I eat protein at every meal.
Marilynn [00:10:29 - 00:10:30]: [00:10:29] Right.
Jordanna [00:10:30 - 00:10:46]: [00:10:30] I have better digestion when I go for a walk after dinner. [00:10:33] And it also helps me lower my stress. [00:10:35] Instead of saying, you must eat protein with every meal, and you must go for a half an hour walk after dinner every night. [00:10:42] They have very different context to them. [00:10:44] You know, it's like when you're in
Tijana [00:10:46 - 00:11:00]: [00:10:46] sales, like, you have to present the benefit to the person. [00:10:48] And I think about that with my kids all the time. [00:10:50] My kids do not like walks generally, I find. [00:10:53] So it's like, oh, let's go for, you know, five kilometer walk. [00:10:56] No way. [00:10:57] I'll be like, hey, I bet that I'm faster than you when you're on your scooter.
Jordanna [00:11:00 - 00:11:01]: [00:11:00] Yeah
Inviting Instead of Insisting; Praising Effort
Tijana [00:11:01 - 00:11:21]: [00:11:01] And then, you know, framing it. [00:11:02] You want to sell it to them in the way that, like, sell them the benefit, not the benefit to you. [00:11:06] Like, you know, even telling your kids And I've said this before too. [00:11:10] This is nutritious. [00:11:11] If a kid is young, they don't even know. [00:11:12] They don't care what nutrition is. [00:11:14] Yeah, no, they don't. [00:11:15] And, you know, it could be like, hey, listen, if you eat, like, those three pieces of chocolate, you're going to get a tummy ache.Tijana [00:11:21 - 00:11:26]: [00:11:21] Do you really want that tummy ache? [00:11:22] It's not like, oh, that's full of sugar and empty calories. [00:11:25] Like, kids don't care about that.
Jordanna [00:11:27 - 00:12:02]: [00:11:27] Exactly. [00:11:28] We want to invite and not insist. [00:11:30] And this is, like, a really good one, especially when you want to expose your family to activities and things that you're doing, you know, do you want to come for a walk with me instead of you're coming for the walk with me? [00:11:44] Like, let's go put your shoes on. [00:11:46] The invitation is so much softer, but it's also an opportunity for connection. [00:11:51] And kids especially, they want that. [00:11:53] They want to be with you. [00:11:54] They want to spend time together. [00:11:55] Hey, would you mind helping me prep some food? [00:11:58] Like, do you want to make the muffins together? [00:12:01] Kids love that.
Jordanna [00:12:02 - 00:12:29]: [00:12:02] Like, hey, you can measure everything. [00:12:04] Like, would you like to help me? [00:12:05] They will be in that kitchen faster than you by the time you finish the sentence. [00:12:09] You know what I mean? [00:12:10] And then the last one that I'll say is, you know, praise the direction, not perfection, and reinforce at the end of that experience. [00:12:17] You know, I love that you came and worked out with me today. [00:12:20] That was so fun. [00:12:21] Like, what did you enjoy about it? [00:12:23] Like, hey, that's a great choice. [00:12:25] Like, you did really great with building your plate for the meal. [00:12:27] Like, I saw you chose some extra veggies.
Jordanna [00:12:29 - 00:12:45]: [00:12:29] Like, great work. [00:12:30] You're getting so much stronger, you know, like. [00:12:32] Or look how fast you're getting. [00:12:34] Like, reinforcing the successes that they're gaining is going to make them feel really proud of themselves. [00:12:38] And coming back to the autonomy piece is going to make them want to continue it, because they're going to feel like they're influencing that and controlling that.
Motivation: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic; Lessons for Partners and Children
Marilynn [00:12:45 - 00:13:12]: [00:12:45] And, you know, when you think about even the women we work with, what's the best way to make change? [00:12:49] When it's like an external or is it, like, intrinsic? [00:12:51] Right, so it might start external, but the sh to the intrinsic is always going to have way long lasting effects versus somebody outside telling you, do this, do this, do this. [00:13:00] So that's literally a skill that we work on with the women who are in get sculpted, and it's the exact same principle as how you would talk to a partner or how you would operate with your kids. [00:13:10] So I think that's important, right?Jordanna [00:13:12 - 00:13:25]: [00:13:12] Yeah, absolutely. [00:13:14] And if you want less resistance, stop trying to manage the people in your home and start modeling that consistency by inviting them into it. [00:13:23] So, T, did you wanna add something before?
Modeling and Managing Expectations With Partners
Tijana [00:13:25 - 00:13:43]: [00:13:25] Yeah, I was gonna share an example. [00:13:26] It was kind of a funny one. [00:13:27] But it's actually. [00:13:28] There is a lesson to it, because with, like, Brian, for example, like, bless him, he's always willing to help. [00:13:33] And I think that. [00:13:34] Okay, that's a whole other conversation. [00:13:35] But what I hate to see is women where, like, the bar is kind of on the floor with the man. [00:13:40] You know what I mean? [00:13:40] Like, in the sense of, like, they're taking on a lot.Tijana [00:13:43 - 00:14:08]: [00:13:43] Let's just be honest. [00:13:43] Right? [00:13:44] And I'm not calling anyone out here, but at the same time, this is important because, like, household duties, again, that's a whole other conversation. [00:13:51] But in that case, like, Brian will do stuff. [00:13:54] It's just that I am a micromanager by nature, so I like things done my way. [00:13:58] The other day, I was like, can you put on a barbecue? [00:14:00] While I was getting my nails done, Like, I'm blessed. [00:14:02] I came back and there was the meal prep done. [00:14:04] But I told him I chopped up some peppers that need to be used, and there's a whole thing of asparagus
Marilynn [00:14:08 - 00:14:09]: [00:14:08] needs to be used.
Tijana [00:14:09 - 00:14:14]: [00:14:09] So what did he cook for the vegetables? [00:14:11] All of them. [00:14:11] But those two things, it's hard to
Marilynn [00:14:14 - 00:14:16]: [00:14:14] find good health these days, so. [00:14:15] I'm just kidding.
Tijana [00:14:16 - 00:14:30]: [00:14:16] I know. [00:14:17] And then I was thinking, you know, in the past, like, I would have probably gone on a rant and been like, oh, yeah, do exactly this. [00:14:22] But then I was like, this is great. [00:14:24] Like, you made the meal prep, and I'm grateful. [00:14:26] Right. [00:14:26] Like, it reinforces him to be like, this is great. [00:14:29] I love it. [00:14:29] I love barbecuing.
Tijana [00:14:30 - 00:14:37]: [00:14:30] I don't have to think about it. [00:14:31] And he wants to come back to it versus, like, man, whenever I do this, it's never good enough for her. [00:14:36] You know what? [00:14:36] She could just take it over.
Marilynn [00:14:37 - 00:14:38]: [00:14:37] Exactly. [00:14:37] Oh, that's such a good point.
Setting the Tone Without Resentment
Jordanna [00:14:38 - 00:14:51]: [00:14:38] Exactly. [00:14:39] I love that. [00:14:41] So, Marge, can you talk to us a little bit about how women's health sets the tone in the home without the resentment side of things? [00:14:49] Like, how do we make this a positive experience?Marilynn [00:14:51 - 00:15:12]: [00:14:51] Absolutely. [00:14:52] So I think we need to acknowledge this. [00:14:53] And T, you kind of just segued perfectly that, like, we know as women, you're, like, you're already managing a lot. [00:14:58] We understand that. [00:14:59] We don't want you to think that we're taking that lightly. [00:15:01] We know that as women, we carry so much of the mental load in the household. [00:15:05] Right. [00:15:05] You're planning, you're doing the groceries, the scheduling, the remembering, also the emotional regulation of your family, all of that tends to fall on you.
Marilynn [00:15:13 - 00:15:46]: [00:15:13] So when you try to make a change to get healthier, it can sometimes feel like you're literally dragging everybody with you. [00:15:18] And then when no one cooperates, right. [00:15:21] Like when you feel like your partner's not on board or your kids are complaining, or your husbands are bringing Nutella and Doritos and whatever in the house, it can lead to resentment. [00:15:29] Right. [00:15:29] Like that's what we're trying to help you understand. [00:15:31] It's like we want to hold space for those feelings. [00:15:34] But the shift you need to make, like, we're going to say this nice and clearly your family does not need to be on the same plan as you, period. [00:15:42] You need your own non negotiables, regardless of what everyone else chooses to do.
Marilynn [00:15:46 - 00:15:54]: [00:15:46] You know what it kind of reminds me of? [00:15:48] Like that saying that I'm sure your parents said to you, like, if everyone else was jumping off a bridge, would you do it? [00:15:52] Like that was in my parents lives.
Tijana [00:15:54 - 00:15:55]: [00:15:54] I still say that.
Marilynn [00:15:55 - 00:16:24]: [00:15:55] Right. [00:15:56] But it's the same thing. [00:15:57] Right. [00:15:57] So if other people don't want to make these healthy choices or these changes, like, are you just gonna say, oh, oh, well, okay, I'm gonna just jump off the bridge too? [00:16:04] You're not. [00:16:05] So we want you to think of your health as not another responsibility that you have to bear. [00:16:09] It's literally the foundation of what keeps you healthy, energized, strong, regulated. [00:16:15] And that in turn will help stabilize the entire house. [00:16:18] Because when you think about it, like, if you're eating well and you feel nourished, you are not going to be snappy and reactive.
Marilynn [00:16:24 - 00:16:49]: [00:16:24] You're going to be more calm and patient when you're moving your body. [00:16:27] And that feels good. [00:16:29] You will be more resilient to handle stress. [00:16:31] And there is stress in the home, of course. [00:16:33] And then, you know, like when you're resting and recovering, you're not gonna spiral and burn out as much as you would if you weren't doing those things. [00:16:40] So yes, your health changes your body for sure, which is amazing and it's awesome. [00:16:44] But it changes your entire presence. [00:16:46] Like, you change the way you show up.
Marilynn [00:16:49 - 00:16:52]: [00:16:49] And again, that's the presence that sets the tone in your house.
Jordanna [00:16:53 - 00:16:56]: [00:16:53] It's like, what are you willing to give up in order to be actually happy?
Marilynn [00:16:57 - 00:16:57]: [00:16:57] Yeah.
Jordanna [00:16:57 - 00:17:23]: [00:16:57] So you need to be able to Give up the control, the nagging, the resentment, the trying to influence what everybody's doing, saying, eating, moving, in order to prioritize yourself and have that capacity to be able to be like, this is how I'm eating, this is how I'm moving. [00:17:17] Here's how I'm gonna think and let that spill over to other people instead of trying to force it the other direction.
Marilynn [00:17:24 - 00:17:31]: [00:17:24] Right. [00:17:24] Cause how's the other way working? [00:17:25] Right? [00:17:26] You're nagging, that's so frustrating. [00:17:27] And you're also not making progress. [00:17:29] So it's like a double negative there, right?
Jordanna [00:17:31 - 00:17:35]: [00:17:31] You're not working smarter, you're working harder. [00:17:33] Like, let's flip the switch here.
Setting and Protecting Your Non-Negotiables
Marilynn [00:17:35 - 00:18:18]: [00:17:35] Yeah, yeah. [00:17:35] So that is the big thing is like what are your non negotiables, what are you going to do? [00:17:40] And again, because we know that you are carrying so much of this mental load, keep it simple, keep it repeatable and also choose things that don't require permission from your family, like do things that you don't need your family to do with you or for you. [00:17:53] So just easy examples like if you want to have like protein rich foods or protein rich breakfast or daily movement or getting yourself set up for the next day, none of those things need your family to get done. [00:18:03] Like you can do them for you. [00:18:06] And the other thing is, and we touched on this, you have to stop waiting for support to get started. [00:18:11] Like if your partner's not going to join you, you still do it. [00:18:14] If your kids are not going to eat what you want to eat, then you still eat it. [00:18:17] Like that's the reality.Marilynn [00:18:19 - 00:18:27]: [00:18:19] Because your consistency becomes the leadership. [00:18:21] But if you keep abandoning yourself, you're not changing and neither is your family. [00:18:25] So it's lose loose in that situation.
Finding Support and Community
Jordanna [00:18:27 - 00:18:58]: [00:18:27] And support looks different. [00:18:29] You're imagining support is coming from like the loving family helping you, everyone being on your side, setting you up for success. [00:18:36] But support might look like hiring a coach to help keep you accountable and give you tips and tricks and redirecting you support might look like community where you have a space like our Facebook group, like the women are coming there being like, hey guys, how do I do this? [00:18:50] Or this just happened to me, how do I navigate that? [00:18:53] And then people jumping in to be like, oh my God, this is what I did when I was in that situation. [00:18:57] And it's beautiful.Marilynn [00:18:59 - 00:19:28]: [00:18:59] I just had a call yesterday with a client and you know, we were talking about wins and whatnot that the last 30 days have brought. [00:19:05] And one of the things she said first, and she said exactly that, she said I have never in my life, like, in my friend group, my family. [00:19:11] I don't have another space like that where I feel so truly supported in the choices that I'm making. [00:19:16] First of all, I was so happy to hear that because that is exactly what we're trying to foster in the community. [00:19:21] But truthfully, that. [00:19:22] That's the thing. [00:19:22] If you can't get the support from your partner, from your kids, from your family, whatever it is, seek it elsewhere.
Tijana [00:19:28 - 00:19:29]: [00:19:28] Exactly.
Communicating Boundaries and Expressing Needs
Marilynn [00:19:29 - 00:19:59]: [00:19:29] Your community lifts you up. [00:19:30] So, yeah, I think that's so important. [00:19:32] So I think the big thing now is, you know, even though we know nagging doesn't work, like, how do I do this? [00:19:37] Like, how do I actually make this work without nagging my family? [00:19:41] It's not always easy, but it's. [00:19:42] It's a simple principle, okay? [00:19:44] You just state what you're doing and why it matters to you and create some boundaries. [00:19:49] So, like, you're not asking for permission. [00:19:51] You're letting your family, your friends, whatever, know that you're doing this full stop. [00:19:55] You tell them it's important to me. [00:19:56] Because I think that's another big thing I started doing with Mike was.Marilynn [00:19:59 - 00:20:26]: [00:19:59] I will admit that I was nagging a lot. [00:20:01] Sometimes I still do, but the whole tone and the conversation changes. [00:20:05] When you start with, listen, this is really important to me. [00:20:08] I want to do this for me, and this is why I'm sticking to it. [00:20:11] It also changes the entire conversation. [00:20:14] And like we said, you don't have to do it with me, but I just need your support. [00:20:18] And be clear on what the support you need is like. [00:20:21] Be very clear, because maybe your partner, your kids, your friends don't know what that support actually looks like to you.
Being a Steady Example and Seeking Support
Marilynn [00:20:27 - 00:20:58]: [00:20:27] So the goal isn't control. [00:20:28] That's never going to get you anywhere fast. [00:20:31] You want to be that steady example for your family. [00:20:34] And by respecting yourself and creating those non negotiables, that's how change is made. [00:20:39] But, you know, if you're sitting here thinking that, you know, yes, I know I need to prioritize myself, but I do keep abandoning myself and my non negotiables because life is busy. [00:20:49] We get that. [00:20:50] Okay? [00:20:50] And this is why so many of our clients have struggled with that coming to us. [00:20:54] And the women we speak to, they want to lead their families, but they are putting themselves last.Marilynn [00:20:58 - 00:21:37]: [00:20:58] So if you want help building those non negotiables and sticking to them, Jordi already said it. [00:21:03] This is why having a coach who holds you accountable is so important. [00:21:06] So we have some applications open@getsculpted.ca contact and let us help you set the tone for your family. [00:21:13] If you're feeling depleted and you really don't know how to make the shift, fill out an application and we will help you with that foundation. [00:21:20] So what I would love to do now is let's dive a little bit deeper into, like, the food and the meals, because that is where a lot of tension shows up around the food piece. [00:21:29] So Te, maybe you can talk us through some shifts we can make there. [00:21:33] That way food doesn't feel like such a battle for a lot of the women who are listening.
Shifting Food Culture and Handling Mealtime Battles
Jordanna [00:21:37 - 00:21:37]: [00:21:37] Yeah.Tijana [00:21:37 - 00:22:17]: [00:21:37] So I think it's helpful to talk about kind of different scenarios because everyone does have slightly different family dynamics like, that I speak with, and this is one of the first questions I ask people, and I'm like, look, there's no judgment. [00:21:47] Some people are very, like, old school. [00:21:49] Like, we all eat together every night, and if you don't eat the meal, there's no other option. [00:21:53] And to be honest, our family's like this, and eating together as a family is a big value for us. [00:21:58] And some people are like, I'll be a short order cook. [00:22:00] I'll make separate meals if needed. [00:22:01] They're like, I really don't care. [00:22:03] So it's like everyone kind of has their own beliefs in that sense, But I think if we kind of start with, like, the top of the pyramid here or the bottom rather of, like, what everyone can agree on, it's that we really need to remove the feelings of, like, food being good or bad.
Marilynn [00:22:17 - 00:22:18]: [00:22:17] Yeah.
Tijana [00:22:18 - 00:22:49]: [00:22:18] Why are we fueling ourselves in general? [00:22:20] Anybody in your family, the goal should be to provide yourself with a basic level of nutrition. [00:22:25] And for you, it's, you know, you're on this journey where you're trying to improve your physique or you're trying to make specific changes, that's on you. [00:22:32] But really that starts with building a healthy relationship with food for sure. [00:22:35] So I think this is when, like, the language is really important. [00:22:38] I know that I've shifted in this too. [00:22:40] Like, being in the nutrition world, I was very kind of strict with this before. [00:22:44] And I remember just freaking out before that. [00:22:46] Like, oh, the kids didn't eat their vegetables in one meal.
Tijana [00:22:49 - 00:23:11]: [00:22:49] And Brian was like, you know, I never ate any vegetables till I was, like, 18. [00:22:53] And I'm like, that just blows my mind. [00:22:55] So it's just like we were talking about earlier, letting go of the. [00:22:59] The pressure on yourself and not putting people in your family under the same expectations you hold yourself to. [00:23:06] Like, they're not concerned about hitting their macros. [00:23:08] Like, as your parent, you're concerned about them hitting their basic nutrition.
Marilynn [00:23:11 - 00:23:12]: [00:23:11] Yes.
Food Nuances: Allergies, Values, and Flexibility
Tijana [00:23:12 - 00:23:23]: [00:23:12] And having a healthy relationship with food for yourself. [00:23:14] You're concerned about hitting your macros for your partner. [00:23:17] They can be concerned about whatever the heck they want. [00:23:19] They're adults. [00:23:20] So that's it. [00:23:20] So do you guys have anything to add to that or. [00:23:22] Different perspective.Jordanna [00:23:23 - 00:23:38]: [00:23:23] I would want to add something here because the nuance for some things, if you have a child at home that has severe allergies or like, Scar has Crohn's. [00:23:35] So, like, there are foods that are literally bad for them.
Marilynn [00:23:38 - 00:23:38]: [00:23:38] Right.
Jordanna [00:23:38 - 00:24:26]: [00:23:38] You know, that will make them sick. [00:23:40] And I think that that's a different kind of conversation that starts to come up around how do you keep food feeling neutral when there's literally foods that will make them sick and those are bad for them. [00:23:51] And so the conversation for us at home has shifted. [00:23:54] Cause I've used always foods, and sometimes foods was scarce since she literally started eating. [00:23:59] And I went into eating psychology certifications and stuff because it was such a great way to, like, reframe what I was hearing for my entire life. [00:24:09] And that worked for a really long time to help her understand her cues and hunger and fullness and my own too. [00:24:17] But then when the Crohn's got diagnosed, like three, four years ago now, then it became a whole other conversation. [00:24:23] It's like, okay, we have to go deeper around.
Jordanna [00:24:26 - 00:24:28]: [00:24:26] How does food make you feel?
Marilynn [00:24:28 - 00:24:29]: [00:24:28] Yeah.
Jordanna [00:24:29 - 00:24:43]: [00:24:29] And what is the specific foods? [00:24:31] Because there's like a specific list of, like, these foods make me feel terrible. [00:24:36] Like, I feel sick or I get tummy aches. [00:24:38] You know, whatever happens to my body when those happen. [00:24:41] And those foods are just like no go's.
Marilynn [00:24:43 - 00:24:43]: [00:24:43] Yep.
Jordanna [00:24:43 - 00:24:56]: [00:24:43] Like, we try not to call them bad, but they're just like our no go food list. [00:24:48] And. [00:24:49] But the conversation is a lot more nuanced when you're dealing with a family member that has something where it is literally, quote, unquote, bad for them or they can't have it.
Setting Household Food Values
Tijana [00:24:57 - 00:25:04]: [00:24:57] Yeah. [00:24:57] And I think that, like, I will say, to be honest, there's a certain point where, like, I do share with my kids, like, these are our family values.Jordanna [00:25:04 - 00:25:04]: [00:25:04] Yeah.
Tijana [00:25:04 - 00:25:17]: [00:25:04] Like, they were like, can we buy a Costco sized thing of Fruit Roll Ups? [00:25:07] I was like, no, we can't. [00:25:09] Like, I don't ban them from having Fruit Roll Ups. [00:25:11] But I'm like, we don't need like 30 of those at home. [00:25:14] I said, we'll go to no frills and get a pack of six.
Marilynn [00:25:17 - 00:25:17]: [00:25:17] Right.
Tijana [00:25:17 - 00:25:55]: [00:25:17] And Then you can have one or two, you know, over the next week. [00:25:21] But we're not buying a Costco thing. [00:25:23] Why not? [00:25:24] Because we're not the kind of people that keep that kind of stuff in the house. [00:25:26] And I don't think that there's anything wrong with saying that, because I think there's a responsibility when, like, sure, you don't have to, like, force your family into change, but you get to decide what your kids eat. [00:25:35] They just decide if they eat it or not or how much they eat. [00:25:37] So I think there is that. [00:25:39] So there is a point where, like, your partner can have what they want as well, but it's also having an honest conversation around, like, what are our values together? [00:25:47] What are our values for our kids? [00:25:48] Like, if these are the values for our kids, what values are you setting for yourself? [00:25:52] If we don't agree about everything? [00:25:53] Like, how can that look like when we collaborate as a family?
Marilynn [00:25:56 - 00:25:56]: [00:25:56] Yes.
Tijana [00:25:56 - 00:25:58]: [00:25:56] I think those are conversations that are needed.
Balancing Individual and Family Needs
Jordanna [00:25:58 - 00:25:59]: [00:25:58] I love that.Tijana [00:25:59 - 00:26:08]: [00:25:59] I don't think it's good to dance around that either and be like, oh, you do you, and I do me. [00:26:02] Because that doesn't work in practice. [00:26:04] It's like, maybe we do need to make compromises. [00:26:06] Right. [00:26:06] Maybe we do need to find a middle ground.
Jordanna [00:26:08 - 00:26:18]: [00:26:08] It might start with you do you, and I do me. [00:26:11] And then it evolves into the conversation. [00:26:13] Especially when, like, what we were saying at the beginning of the episode where you aren't getting that support.
Marilynn [00:26:18 - 00:26:19]: [00:26:18] Right.
Jordanna [00:26:19 - 00:26:39]: [00:26:19] You might need to just do you in order to prioritize that. [00:26:22] But then when it comes to, like, the bigger things around, how do we eat as a family, how do we grocery shop, how do we cook and prepare, how do we make lunches for our kids? [00:26:30] Like, then that's where what you're saying comes into play. [00:26:34] And it's like, you know, it can be a difficult conversation depending on who your partner is.
Navigating Division of Labor and Support in the Household
Tijana [00:26:39 - 00:26:45]: [00:26:39] Yeah. [00:26:39] Because I can already hear, like, I know people have said, like, well, I'm already doing everything, and now I have to double cook for people.Jordanna [00:26:45 - 00:26:46]: [00:26:45] Yes.
Tijana [00:26:46 - 00:26:53]: [00:26:46] And then in that case, quite honestly, I would be like, all right, here's what's changing right now. [00:26:50] I am on this plan. [00:26:51] This is what I'm cooking.
Jordanna [00:26:53 - 00:26:54]: [00:26:53] Yeah.
Tijana [00:26:54 - 00:27:09]: [00:26:54] If you don't like what's being cooked, it's not like an ultimatum, but it's more like, now we are going to have to eat separate because. [00:27:00] And I think that this is where a lot of women struggle. [00:27:02] It's like, they're like, oh, but he doesn't do anything. [00:27:04] And I'm like, but have you had a conversation? [00:27:06] Have you honestly said, like, this is what I need support with, and this is what that looks like?
Marilynn [00:27:09 - 00:27:34]: [00:27:09] That's. [00:27:10] That's it. [00:27:10] And I think it's about being clear. [00:27:11] I love that you use the word values, though, because, again, I think that really, like, it disarms it in a way and makes it more substantial. [00:27:18] Right. [00:27:19] Like, if this is a value, it's not just like a phase, a fad, something I'm doing. [00:27:22] These are the values that I want to hold for myself, for us as a family. [00:27:25] And of course, it can be hard, but, like, at the end of the day, like, if it is a value that you hold, you're going to feel that you're not in alignment if you're not living that value.
Marilynn [00:27:34 - 00:27:40]: [00:27:34] And that's not a comfortable place for you to be in your own home. [00:27:37] Like, comfortable in your body and your feelings. [00:27:39] So.
Modeling a Healthy Relationship With Food: Language and Identity
Tijana [00:27:40 - 00:27:47]: [00:27:40] And I think it's important. [00:27:41] Again, we're talking about different types of people. [00:27:43] Like, we've always been on this journey. [00:27:44] The kids have seen us. [00:27:45] They've been to the gym with us since they were six weeks.Marilynn [00:27:47 - 00:27:48]: [00:27:47] Yeah.
Tijana [00:27:48 - 00:27:58]: [00:27:48] People have very strong feelings. [00:27:49] And this is kind of a sidebar, but it is related about, like, oh, should I track food in front of my kids? [00:27:54] And this and that. [00:27:54] But I will always tell my kids, like, they've seen me do it since day one.
Marilynn [00:27:58 - 00:27:59]: [00:27:58] It's the language you use.
Tijana [00:28:00 - 00:28:00]: [00:28:00] Oh, absolutely.
Marilynn [00:28:00 - 00:28:02]: [00:28:00] Like, mommy can't have this. [00:28:02] Yeah.
Tijana [00:28:02 - 00:28:06]: [00:28:02] They're like, you're in great shape. [00:28:03] And one time, Lucas saw that I was sad. [00:28:04] He's like, mom, I like your muscles.
Jordanna [00:28:07 - 00:28:08]: [00:28:07] He's so cute.
Marilynn [00:28:08 - 00:28:10]: [00:28:08] He knows the way to your heart.
Jordanna [00:28:10 - 00:28:11]: [00:28:10] He sure does.
Tijana [00:28:11 - 00:28:31]: [00:28:11] He does. [00:28:12] Okay. [00:28:12] One time as well, the kids had friends over, and then they saw our gym, and they're like, your dad has a sick gym. [00:28:16] He's like, this is my mom's gym, too. [00:28:18] I'm like, you tell him. [00:28:19] So anyway, I share this because, like, I think, you know, in the 90s and 2000s, and all of us might have had our parents or a mom say negative things about their body. [00:28:28] And I'm so fat, and I need to diet, and, like, all this negative
Marilynn [00:28:31 - 00:28:33]: [00:28:31] language or, like, I can't eat this. [00:28:32] That's bad.
Tijana [00:28:33 - 00:28:56]: [00:28:33] Exactly. [00:28:33] So. [00:28:34] So let's, like, shifting away from that. [00:28:35] I think the overarching message here is like, yes, we want to speak neutrally about food, but I think it's also okay to be more loud about, like, yeah, these are our values around food and. [00:28:44] And what we do and the habits that we have and. [00:28:47] And you guys are like, at my feet right now, but I'm going to go work out and don't disturb me or come and join me, but I am going to do this. [00:28:54] And I think that that's an important conversation.
Jordanna [00:28:56 - 00:28:56]: [00:28:56] Totally.
Tijana [00:28:56 - 00:28:57]: [00:28:56] Did you guys have anything to add to that?
Marilynn [00:28:58 - 00:29:01]: [00:28:58] No, I just wholeheartedly agree with that. [00:28:59] Yeah, a thousand percent.
Modeling for Girls and Boys: Language, Modeling, and Identity
Tijana [00:29:01 - 00:29:15]: [00:29:01] I know you have nieces. [00:29:02] Marilyn and Jord obviously have a daughter. [00:29:03] I have two sons. [00:29:05] I like the conversation around, like, having sons versus daughters. [00:29:08] So what do you guys feel are the important things, especially with girls, that we need to model or the conversations we need to be having?Marilynn [00:29:16 - 00:29:37]: [00:29:16] Well, I think we nailed it with, like, the language. [00:29:17] Like, I honestly think language is the first place. [00:29:20] The way you talk about food, the way you talk about your body. [00:29:23] Jord, you mentioned, like, the nuance. [00:29:24] Of course there's nuance depending on, you know, the specific person. [00:29:27] But more than anything, I just, I know that I grew up with very much like, good, bad, big, small. [00:29:32] Like everything was polar opposites. [00:29:34] And one you knew was good, that was like the gold standard.
Marilynn [00:29:37 - 00:29:52]: [00:29:37] The other one was bad. [00:29:38] You don't want to be that. [00:29:39] It was a very hard thing to understand. [00:29:40] So when you talk about values, like, I never ever saw food, let's just say as, oh, this makes me stronger. [00:29:48] This will help. [00:29:48] Feel it. [00:29:49] Like, I never thought in those terms. [00:29:50] It was always, oh, this is bad.
Jordanna [00:29:52 - 00:29:53]: [00:29:52] It's going to make me fat..
Marilynn [00:29:53 - 00:30:04]: [00:29:53] So language, a hundred percent, the way you talk. [00:29:56] And don't forget, like, kids are always watching. [00:29:58] So it's in your self talk as well. [00:30:00] Like how you speak to yourself about everything has a huge impact.
Lasting Influence, Autonomy, and Modeling for Children
Tijana [00:30:05 - 00:30:14]: [00:30:05] And it's your. [00:30:05] Their inner child hurting, to be honest. [00:30:07] Like, I, I do still hear my mom talk about this, and I think she has a lot of healing to do with that. [00:30:11] Right. [00:30:11] And women of older generations, unfortunately..Marilynn [00:30:14 - 00:30:14]: [00:30:14] Yeah..
Jordanna [00:30:14 - 00:30:18]: [00:30:14] And what I'll add here too is like, we only have influence for so long..
Marilynn [00:30:18 - 00:30:19]: [00:30:18] Oh, that's a good point..
Jordanna [00:30:19 - 00:31:04]: [00:30:19] I'm specifically in this stage where I had so much influence when Scar was like a toddler and she, you know, mimicked my language and she wanted to be in the kitchen with me. [00:30:31] And all of that was happening. [00:30:33] And now there's so many outside voices influencing that media, television, movies, like friends, other homes that she's in. [00:30:43] And how do you know that your child is still holding onto those values? [00:30:47] So that's where it comes back to, like, you still living in your values, you still doing what you said would do. [00:30:53] You being the consistent and the constant. [00:30:55] Because I know she knows and I know she sees and I know she's doing most of the time, but I know there's like a push pull for all the things going on outside.
Modeling for Sons and Household Gender Roles
Tijana [00:31:05 - 00:31:24]: [00:31:05] Yeah. [00:31:05] And that's powerful because I can tell you that, like, your kids will do what you do, not what you say. [00:31:11] It's like if you're telling them to eat their vegetables and go outside and play. [00:31:15] When's the last time they saw you work out? [00:31:16] And am I hurt to say that? [00:31:18] But it's like, when's the last time they saw you dedicate time to yourself? [00:31:21] When's the last time they saw you sit down and eat a proper meal?.Marilynn [00:31:24 - 00:31:25]: [00:31:24] Yeah, you're so right..
Tijana [00:31:25 - 00:31:52]: [00:31:25] And I think I will add, as a mom of sons, like, for. [00:31:27] What's really important to me is that I talk about this in a lot of aspects, but I don't want my kids to grow up and want a mommy out of their wife number one. [00:31:35] So I think skills is an important thing in itself. [00:31:38] Everybody in the house contributes to. [00:31:40] And Brian and I model that, like, to the family in some way. [00:31:44] When it comes to, like, the nutrition, that's one thing. [00:31:46] That's a whole separate conversation. [00:31:48] But the main thing is, like, you gotta have balanced meals and you gotta feed yourself regularly..
Tijana [00:31:52 - 00:32:11]: [00:31:52] And they see me doing that, and they don't see me being kind of the martyr that I know a lot of moms can be of. [00:31:58] Oh, you know, I'm just gonna focus on my kids. [00:32:00] I'm just gonna finish their scraps and. [00:32:02] And of course, I don't have time to work out. [00:32:03] And you need something, I'll come to you, no problem. [00:32:05] And take care of this so I don't have to take care of myself. [00:32:08] And this is something that I've seen my clients struggle with. [00:32:10] And I'm like, you gotta..
Marilynn [00:32:11 - 00:32:12]: [00:32:11] Yeah..
Tijana [00:32:12 - 00:32:18]: [00:32:12] Show them whether you have sons or daughters that, like, women need to put themselves on the front burner, especially moms.
Identity, Consistency, and the Influence on Kids
Marilynn [00:32:18 - 00:32:35]: [00:32:18] I was just gonna say a hundred percent. [00:32:20] You're right. [00:32:20] Cause your actions are modeling, like, what do you want them to be as grownups? [00:32:23] You have to think about that in future pace. [00:32:25] Like, I also think you want them to see that this is not a phase. [00:32:27] This is not a means to an end. [00:32:29] This is not like, mommy, auntie, whatever's only doing this to get skinny. [00:32:32] It is your life. [00:32:33] This is your identity..Marilynn [00:32:35 - 00:32:48]: [00:32:35] We use that word a lot. [00:32:36] And you're right. [00:32:36] Kids are gonna do what you do before they do what you say. [00:32:39] So if they see movement fueling yourself Activity, all of those things as part of your identity that will influence their identity a hundred percent..
Partner Influence and Having the Tough Conversations
Tijana [00:32:48 - 00:33:00]: [00:32:48] Yes. [00:32:49] And then the partners, same thing, but a little different. [00:32:52] Like, obviously, they ultimately have autonomy over their choices. [00:32:55] So it comes back to what we said about you're not forcing them to do anything and you're inviting. [00:32:59] I like that language used, Jord..Marilynn [00:33:00 - 00:33:01]: [00:33:00] Yeah..
Tijana [00:33:01 - 00:33:35]: [00:33:01] And I think it's also just remembering that if they're your partner, you have in common, hopefully that they love and support you. [00:33:09] So, you know, it's even having that conversation, because if you're feeling ever, like, resentment, it really comes down to communicating and using those I statements like we talked about. [00:33:19] And it's saying, like, it could be the conversation around what they're eating in front of you or the comments that they make. [00:33:24] Hey, I know you don't mean anything by that. [00:33:25] You're just expressing or whatever, but this is how I'm feeling and what support looks like for me. [00:33:30] It's not eliminating these foods, but I'm really trying to build momentum. [00:33:33] How about, like, eating that separate or whatever it may be. [00:33:35] Right..
Tijana [00:33:35 - 00:33:53]: [00:33:35] Like, it just having a discussion. [00:33:37] Because this might have been the very first time you've even opened up that discussion with them. [00:33:41] Maybe you've gone on crazy, like, restrictive diets, and this is like, they're not used to, like, you making this lifestyle change. [00:33:47] So I. [00:33:47] I think that's really important. [00:33:48] What are some good tidbits you guys have that come to mind for how to approach this conversation?
Stepping Into Self-Advocacy and Leadership
Jordanna [00:33:53 - 00:34:28]: [00:33:53] I think you have to just be brave and do it, like, so many times as women. [00:33:59] What I've found in common, and I don't want to speak for everyone, but something that I've noticed is they're like, oh, I don't wanna, like, rock the boat. [00:34:06] I don't wanna. [00:34:08] I'm not the most important. [00:34:09] Yes, you are. [00:34:10] You are important to you, and you are important to everyone in your family. [00:34:15] And your family doesn't function well when you are not well. [00:34:18] So how do you reframe that and be brave and step up into that 2.0 version of yourself and be like, here's who I really wanna be, and this is how I need to communicate that..Jordanna [00:34:28 - 00:34:38]: [00:34:28] Because that first step is what's gonna create the second space for you to actually take the action you want to do and maybe even stop nagging because someone actually hears what you're trying to say..
Marilynn [00:34:39 - 00:34:52]: [00:34:39] I actually love that you just said that. [00:34:40] Actually hearing what you have to say. [00:34:42] Yeah. [00:34:43] And I. [00:34:43] I would just say this exact same thing, like, unapologetically. [00:34:46] You have to advocate for yourself and whether your family is on board in the way you need them to be. [00:34:51] Exactly. [00:34:52] Or not..
Marilynn [00:34:52 - 00:35:11]: [00:34:52] You know, I remember in therapy, too, my therapist saying that when you. [00:34:56] When you go to make change in a family dynamic, it does rock the boat, let's just say. [00:35:00] But it's because it's new. [00:35:02] But if you use these strategies, you use this language, that can be the new normal. [00:35:07] It's normal just because this is what's always been done. [00:35:09] So you can actually be that catalyst for change.
The Ripple Effect: Sticking to Your Own Changes
Jordanna [00:35:12 - 00:35:33]: [00:35:12] I love that. [00:35:12] And we see that with our clients all the time, too. [00:35:15] Like, I just had a client called last week, and she was like, yeah, you know, when I first started this journey, like, several months ago, I was the only one that was eating the prepped food. [00:35:24] Now both my kids are eating the prepped food. [00:35:26] They're teenagers. [00:35:27] Her husband's eating it, and she's like, I actually have to buy, like, twice as much because now they're eating what I eat..Tijana [00:35:33 - 00:35:33]: [00:35:33] Oh, yeah..
Jordanna [00:35:33 - 00:35:51]: [00:35:33] And it just happened organically overnight as it went through. [00:35:36] And she was like. [00:35:37] My husband even commented, like, wow, we're all eating so much better now because of you. [00:35:42] Like, thank you for sticking to what you're doing. [00:35:44] And, like, how beautiful is that, that it could just happen organically and she didn't do anything but take care of herself..
Marilynn [00:35:51 - 00:35:52]: [00:35:51] I love that so much.
Three Catalyst Moves: Tactical Takeaways
Tijana [00:35:52 - 00:36:00]: [00:35:52] I love that. [00:35:53] And you girls know, we love to give our listeners some tactical stuff to take away from this. [00:35:57] So, Mare, why don't you give us some. [00:35:59] Some moves we can make here?.Marilynn [00:36:00 - 00:36:27]: [00:36:00] Yes. [00:36:01] Okay. [00:36:01] So we do. [00:36:02] We love making this practical because we always want you to be able to take something away from these episodes. [00:36:06] So grab a piece of paper, make a note in your phone, or if you're listening while you're driving or walking, come back to this because this is really important. [00:36:14] What we want you to do is we want you to choose three catalyst moves that you can implement right now. [00:36:20] First thing is just pick one habit that you're going to start modeling. [00:36:23] Like, you're going to say to yourself, this is consciously what I'm going to start modeling to my family..
Marilynn [00:36:27 - 00:36:50]: [00:36:27] Maybe it is the evening walk. [00:36:28] Maybe it is, you know, planning your workouts. [00:36:30] Whatever it is, pick one thing. [00:36:32] The second thing, you are going to make an environmental change to make it easier for you. [00:36:37] So you're going to prep that food. [00:36:38] You're going to block that time for the walk. [00:36:40] If that's what it is, pick what's important. [00:36:43] Figure out that environmental change, and then the Third and most important thing is think about a simple statement you're going to use that replaces the nagging..
Marilynn [00:36:50 - 00:37:21]: [00:36:50] You may have done at one point something that actually communicates your values, your standards, and your needs. [00:36:56] So we talked about a bunch of them. [00:36:57] But you can say, like, I'm focusing on this. [00:36:59] I'm sticking with it. [00:37:00] You don't have to do it with me, but I need your support or invite them, want to join me? [00:37:05] And if they say no, you still go. [00:37:08] So we want you to write down those three things, okay? [00:37:10] And even these small shifts, they're gonna make a big impact because your brain is a muscle. [00:37:15] So the more you do these things and stick to them, the easier it's gonna become for the next habit and the next habit. [00:37:20] That's kind of the takeaway.
Episode Recap and Closing
Marilynn [00:37:21 - 00:37:54]: [00:37:21] We want you to practice after this episode is done and to kind of recap the main crux of this episode. [00:37:28] You do not have to be a nag to lead your family to create change in your home, to make progress on your own fitness journey. [00:37:35] It is your journey. [00:37:36] You're gonna model positive and healthy behaviors. [00:37:39] Right? [00:37:39] But you don't wanna manage your partner or your kids because it's not working. [00:37:43] It hasn't worked. [00:37:45] So we have to set the tone in a different way. [00:37:47] And if this Mother's Day season is making you reflect on the dynamic in your home, remember that taking care of yourself is not a luxury..Marilynn [00:37:54 - 00:38:25]: [00:37:54] It is not something extra. [00:37:56] It is like the foundation of everything for you and your family. [00:37:59] It is also leadership. [00:38:01] And we talked about this. [00:38:03] You have the power also to make that generational change for you, your family, your partner, your kids. [00:38:08] So if you're ready to commit to those three catalyst moves, but you know you need accountability and support to follow through, we are here to help. [00:38:16] This is what we do. [00:38:17] We specialize in working with women who want to build these sustainable habits that, yes, change their bodies, but also change how they show up for their families..
Marilynn [00:38:25 - 00:38:47]: [00:38:25] So if you are ready to lead by example and have that consistency that has that ripple effect in your home, we've got coaching spots opening up. [00:38:33] You can fill out an application, which we have linked in the episode description below, and let us help you become that consistent example in your environment. [00:38:42] Thank you again for tuning in this week, and we're so excited to chat with you in our next episode.